In light of the fact that I just had a birthday and my son’s birthday was this past week, a memory came back to me. I remember my mother recapping her own birth story. She was a young woman having her first baby. It was an unmedicated, vaginal birth. She tells about how painful her process was. At one point, the pain peaked and she began to use cuss words. In the same moment, she began to cry out for Jesus. Well, she had an older, black nurse tending to her at the time. This nurse said, very lovingly, “Baby, you can cuss or you can call on Jesus. But, you can’t do both.” To which my mother’s response was, “Ok, I call on Jesus.” She chose, in that moment, to lean on her faith. She tells this story light-heartedly, with laughter and happy memories. As a doula, I have mixed feelings about this. In the Christian community, there is a general understanding that expletives are not of godly character. It’s frowned upon in the conservative values of the Christian faith. And for some, it can bring about feelings of conviction.
Would you want to be reminded of the values you hold dear in a moment of intense pain? I know for me, as a Christian, I am offended at the use of cuss words. However, I have come to overlook them in this work. No judgment here. As a doula and woman who’s given birth three times, I’m sensitive to the fact that we can feel out of control and unlike ourselves in labor. But, would you be able to, in hindsight, overlook this piece of your birth story? Would your spouse? Can we have an open dialogue about this?
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For a birthing woman, there is nothing like knowing your spouse or partner is IN this with you. The labor and birth process is an incredibly vulnerable and intimate time and space. Most often up until the latter part of pregnancy women aren’t focused on the actual birth. There is far too much preparation to take place to focus on something SO BIG. But, right around 30 weeks, or so, this labor and birth process gets real. It is coming! We begin to question whether or not we can do this. Even if we’ve done it before, we can question our abilities this time. “Can I do it this time? I want a natural unmedicated birth. Can I handle the pain?”, “I had a cesarean the last time, but want to try for a home birth. What if my body “doesn’t work”?”, or even “I want the drugs! Give me the good stuff right away! Is that okay?” Through this process, there is a relying on our partner that might be a bit too much to for you to handle. At least, that’s what you think. But, let me give you the Top 5 things to say to your wife, mother of your child, lady that will give her the boost of confidence she needs when she’s having her internal, and sometimes external struggles with this birth that seems to be coming quickly. I love you. • I trust you. Not only will these 5 statements take you through the end of pregnancy, but they are PRICELESS GEMS during the labor process and into the parenting journey. If you want to be the hero, don’t try to save her from what is a natural process. Instead, comfort her with these few words and whatever other tools you happen to have in your toolkit. You’ve got this! And if you need back-up, there’s ALWAYS a doula. |
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AuthorTenaj is a wife, homeschooling mother of 3, owner of Birthing Arrows, labor doula, and aspiring childbirth educator who brings her Christian faith into all aspects of her life. Archives
December 2017
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